This is the first tumblr post I’ve read in my life and immediately marked with the marking button.
Armed with only $20 and a waning nutrional standard, I approached Key Foods as I approach most things: desperately.
(That’s not true).
Behold:
What I Did This Weekend, pt. 2
6 pk of large eggs $1.39 (timeless, versatile, protein!)
8 pk of Instant Oatmeal $4.49 (whoooa! fuckin baller, I know)
2 apples $1.34 (field notes: red/green > green)
6 bananas $1.00 (Dude. Bananas r cheap.)
2 avocados $3.00 (recession?! WHAT RECESSION?!)
3 pks of ramen $1.00 (this is just brand loyalty, right here)
2 cans of tuna $2.00 (steal mayo pkts from the deli et voila, un meal!)
1 pkg wasa crispbread $2.00 (as go the Park Slope moms…)
1 box of tea, 16 ct. $0.59 (I KNOW!! Fuckin Key Foods brand, guys)
1 pkg of frozen broccoli $0.79 (see above!)
1 bag of sugar free mints $1.99 (c’mon, give me a fucking break)
TOTAL w. NY SALES TAX $19.76
Some notes on process:
1. While you are shopping, try to have the mindset that it is complete bullshit for anything to be priced over $1.00. That way if you are tempted to buy such luxurious foodstuffs as say, soup, you will pick it up, consider the serving size, look for the price and shout, “1.49?! For SOUP?! PAH!” then steer your wagons westward, towards the 79 cent frozen broccoli, with a single tear falling down your cheek.
2. One should approach grocery shopping as if you were part of a contest, on a reality tv show called Getting By, that is your life. Except no one cares, not even your own mother, who is yet to respond to your email you sent her yesterday with a similar outline and the interrogative, “Any other surprisingly cheap food you can think of?” It seemed responsible; ambitious in a very specific way that almost makes up for your general lack thereof.
And while it is true that I wander the grocery aisles, literally repeating the thought, “One day, one day when we are rich, we will come back and buy ALL OF THESE SOUPS”— because yes, when pushed to the edge, I have a transcendant, level-headed Self who sees the Big Picture and comforts my lesser, more despairing Self (who frankly, has much better taste in tea and is a little worried about us)— I take solace, nay, REVERIE, in the idea that this is my choice, my life, my adventure that will begin each day with a bowl of banana bread quaker oats instant oatmeal that I probably cannot afford but bought anyway because, goddammit, NOBODY CAN STOP ME.
